this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
