My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
