32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
