Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
