It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
