Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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