why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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