i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
