the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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