I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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