4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
