Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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