just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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