Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
