you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
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