It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
