here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
In America we eat man semen.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
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I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
