the day after is always just damage control
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
