I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
