It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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