Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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