Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
