At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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