you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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