so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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