she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
