I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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