goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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