Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
