So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
