i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
