I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
