enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just puked most of my soul out..
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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