3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
