i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Randomize
