she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
All I want is dick and wine.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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