just come out here and I will go home with you...
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
