when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
