Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
