Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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