she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The cops high fived after they tackled you
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
