He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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