How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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