I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
