don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
