My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
