I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Randomize
