I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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