I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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