Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
